Laugh.Dream.Learn

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose. --- Dr. Suess

1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier.

2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks.

3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do.

4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream.

5. Fart when you have to.

6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it!

7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats.

—   Seven Simple Ways To Free Yourself, from girl to girl (via notcapableoflove)

(Source: fawnbabe, via justkeepbreathing831)

me talking to little kids:

oh hey man wow I like your shoes they light up! No way I wish I had some like that, I bet they make you run so fast!!

me talking to older people:

I'm not really sure what it is I want to do with my life, but I figure that as long as I'm happy it can't be that bad

me talking to people my age:

well howdily doodily my fellow young people, what's hip hop happening over here? I'm just off to inject a meth and listen to an MTV if you youngsters are 'down' also haha look at that lingo, golly gosh what a time to be alive

I’m having a banana war with my ex-FIL. He has the disgusting nasty unsanitary habit of leaving half eaten bananas on the dining room table. Usually I clean them up but, not any more. I’m not touching the nasty rotting fruit that a grown adult leaves lying around! LOL Now I’m avoiding the dining room until he (or someone else) throws it away. It’s been 13 hours…

I may need a hobby LOL

nintendoggystyle:

what beautiful weather outside im gonna close the curtains

(via teen-derp)

me:

*not religious*

me:

oh my god

me:

praise the lord

me:

thank god

me:

oh dear lord

me:

jesus christ

me:

good god

starllex:

I don’t get how babies can cry at restaurants lol like nigga why you cryin there’s food around you rejoice

(via johnathanocallaghan)

Women are sharing their comebacks to instances of everyday sexism

veganpoopxvx:

dingdongno:

and it’s amazing

image

but wait there’s moreimage

omg and then image

from (x)

Yes

(via elevendollarbills)

Totes amazeballs | dooce®

sarahb:

Sorry not sorry that you can’t even but I got your moist panties right here

That response was full of win. You are totally rockin’ dat Tumblr.

tahthetrickster:

misandry-mermaid:

scandalouslyfollowing:

nuric:

cap-out-of-time:

schwoozie:

[x]

ooc: Reblogging because holy shit.

I aspire to be this woman when I’m older. 

YASSSSSSS!

This woman was born before women were legally allowed to vote.

So don’t think for a second that she’s joking when she sees you trying to take that right away, Republicans.

actually watch the video though it’s amazing

(via iamyourapathy)